I often lay in my bed at night thinking.
I’m one of those people who sit and over think. I think and think and think. It doesn’t really end. Sometimes it’s about something stupid, and sometimes its deep, dark, it might be scary to someone and at times it even scares me. Nobody can see inside my head. I can’t explain it very well. I stay up until four in the morning, just thinking. I try distracting myself so maybe I can fall asleep, maybe I can make my thoughts stop long enough to close my eyes and hear silence. But my brain screams, my brain tells me no, tonight you won’t sleep.
In my post- Hope, I showed you a lot of myself, a lot of what has influenced my life. I told you more than I have ever opened up before. It’s hard to talk about, it was hard to write and put down. Even this is hard to put down, it’s hard to organize my thoughts. They all spin around in my head and it’s so hard to organize them, to actually make them make sense to other people when I put them down.
Overthinking doesn’t only happen when I’m laying in bed at night. It happens in the middle of the day, in the morning, when I’m sitting and laughing with friends. I sit staring off into space. It just starts. Honestly, it can be about anything, it can be me worrying about what the person at the other side of the lunch room is thinking of me, or how I’m going to pass all of my classes, it could be about my relationships with people. Or something so simple as to why I forgot to brush my teeth when I woke up. It happens at any time, and it happens to be about anything. Stress and anxiety take over. I snap at my friends, I start pushing people away, but they don’t understand. They don’t know what is going on, they think, “She’s just being a bitch.”
But its so hard to stop. It’s hard for someone to handle, and when they don’t know how to explain it or explain why they are upset, people start to leave. They don’t give you a reason for leaving you, so again you start to overthink again. This time you think about all the things that are and could be wrong with you. People will never know the true story behind why some people go through this, some things just always remain unsaid. They can’t and don’t want people to know everything that happens to them and what they are thinking. It affects their lives and causes friends to walk away from you, and then all you do is think more.
Everyone has battles that they don’t talk about, that they do not share with other people. Because honestly other people don’t need to know, but they do need you to know that they are going through a rough time that’s causing them to have a different demeanor than they usually would have. They act out, seem different and they can’t tell you why. Their head is racing, they can’t think straight, they can’t talk to anyone about what is going on because sometimes the words seem to never be enough. But they need you to know and realize they just need you to be there as a friend, help them clear their mind and wait for them to talk when they are ready, or maybe just get them to forget what they were overthinking about in the first place.
I want you all to know I don’t write this to get sympathy, to make you feel bad for me or to get attention. By no means am I writing for that. I want people to know and understand what a lot of teens go through. This isn’t new, it seems to be a growing thing in today’s society, and I feel like people should really know what is going on. I want people to understand. I want people to stop and really think why someone would be acting the way they might be acting. People often quote this, but it goes: “Everyone has a battle they are fighting, and you know nothing about.” Cliche to say but it’s true. Everyone goes through things you don’t know about and they don’t talk about.
I really have no idea how to end this post other than telling you all that I love each one of you. You guys can always feel free to leave comments on any of my posts feel free to tell me your thoughts and if you have questions make sure to ask them!
Have a good day guys:)
xx Sheena xx