I’m growing up today, tomorrow and for the rest of my life. Constantly on the path to learning and going through something new every second that I’m alive.
I’m alive, I know it. I’m breathing, in and out once and a while taking a large quite breath through my mouth letting it out in a muffled sigh. Thoughts going through my mind of how I’m going to get through one struggle after the other, pushing my mind to stay positive.
I’m going to miss this. The high school life and experience. But in the back of my mind screaming to be let out is the fact that I am also ready to be the adult that I have come to be. I want to grow up, I want to be seen as the person I am instead of a child.
Everyone says I grew up too fast. I don’t think so. I was ready to grow up, I enjoy the life I live, but if you lived the life I was in, stepped into my shoes you would have too. I’m not saying that my life is horrible by any means, I’m saying that the way we lived brought me to be mature faster than the friends around me.
Turning 18 gave me a lot of freedom. I make my own choices and do the things that I enjoy doing, but I still have expectations and rules and that will never change no matter where you are in life. I got a job, I have a dog that I am in charge of, that I am to pay for and watch over, she is my responsibility alongside my love. I’m still in school and manage to juggle work, school, and extracurriculars all along with friends and family. I’m still growing up. I may have a lot figured out but there is still even more for me to learn.
Overthinking and self-pity block knowledge and chances to see new things, it makes you see and think things that aren’t really there. You think of all the worst possibilities and scenarios and you start to believe that that may be the reality when it’s not. Things and people change and when you get so used to how things used to be, a sudden change is hard to deal with, but that doesn’t mean that change is bad so I’m still dealing with the idea that it’s okay for change to happen. I have to grow up and learn that change is not always against me. I have to learn how to go with the change and not work against it, work with not against. It sounds simple, but it’s not and I’m trying. I have to grow up. Because I am still not there yet. I don’t think anyone ever is.
xx Sheena xx